African Women Culture

It seems that African women are in the limelight again. No, it isn’t because we are doing great things but rather because of how we conduct our relations with our African men. It seems that going home to get a wife seems to be the new hot business on tracks. The question remains: “Why are African men going home to find wives?”


I have often pondered about this and I decided to enlist friends of mine to help me solve this mystery. The answer that I got baffled my mind. As per our African men, “African women in the Diasporas are crazy. They are wild. In fact they are worse than any wild animal you can let loose because they have lost all culture”. Now my first instinct on hearing this was to respond back in a sarcastic manner but I thought it best that I listen to this ‘wisdom’ from my dear African men.

To be quite honest, this is not the first time that I have heard comments about our loss of culture. But I have often wondered if this complaint isn’t out of the new fear and insecurity that now exists. Unlike, the past when an African woman needed her man’s express permission to grow within her career, the tides has definitely changed with many educated African women in the diaspora holding high position and earning well in every industry. But, it seems that with this increase in their wealth, the higher the complaints.

It is quite clear even to the inept observer that the African culture is mainly patriarchal with men mostly holding power position and having sway over how decisions should be run in the community. In the past, men were the only ones that had higher earning powers and as such – their words were law. It was not strange to hear stories of a man telling his wife that she should stay home and take care of the kids and forget about educating herself. The woman having no other say but to agree because she does not want to be seen as the bad wife. In many cases, the woman’s change of name from her father’s last name to his name often symbolized the movement of decision making power from her family’s hands to his hands. But now the tides have changed and many African men in the diaspora are very unhappy and choosing to go home to the village to pick their ‘innocent’ wives. I have heard so many horror stories about these women but that is a topic for another day.

I find it so annoying that when I ask for examples about this supposed loss of culture in African women in the diaspora, the examples seem so trivial that it is pathetic. So a woman decides that she is too tired to cook that day – why can’t you make something? Or order out? A woman now decides that she is tired of putting up with your late hours and makes her complaints known emotionally? You scream – “Oh my gosh, how dare she talk back at me?” Or worse yet, we have homes in which the woman is the only one working in the household and yet you refuse to help her with the house chores because you are the ‘man’ and she is the ‘woman’. What happened to cooperation and compromise?

Let’s be real, the issue is not that African women in the diaspora have become wild rather it is that African men in the diaspora seem to have a problem dealing with the changes that has to occur to survive in the diaspora. A successful modern African home is now more based on compromise and respect more than ever before. It makes no sense to marry a woman who works and expect her to be super woman every day. There are days those powers will just not be around. There are days she will be tired. There are days she will be emotional. Having the ability to understand where she is coming from and actually respecting her view will make the life of the African man and woman in the diaspora more calmer and easier.